The Necessities of Life

Miracles.....yep that seems to be the greatest necessity in my life right now. The beauty of this necessity is seeing how amazing God is and the many diverse ways in which He saves me. I don't want to say that there is a bad side to this....I don't think there really is but there is a slight downside in that I worry and the worry literally is killing me. I mean there are worse things than ulcers and not being able to eat or sleep but right now those are pretty rough things for me to handle. I have been so blessed in these last few weeks of the semester that it would be wrong not to recognize them and in my love of lists here are two new ones. :)
Miracles
1. I was able to complete 2 research papers in just over 2 days. When I say I was able to complete them that means that I did all of the research, writing, proofreading, re-writing and turning in for two major papers in 2 days. Talk about miraculous.
2. My lab partner dumped our site report paper on me. Like the majority of it. Now is this a miracle? Heck yes it is. She had insisted on writing the entire paper but she is infamous for not getting things done and while I love her I was not going to sacrifice my grade for her stubbornness. So miracle number 2...my grade is in my hands, just where I like it. :)
3. I had a meltdown...I realized that I had burnt myself out and as I was collapsed on the kitchen floor, alone and not knowing where to turn I heard a thought, "Allison you need to take a semester off." As much as I don't want to this it is the best option for me. I'm taking one class but this way I won't be in debt before grad school, I'll have savings and not be starving and broke and I'll be able to put the pieces of my life back together.
4. I got asked to apply for a job...a real job, not some student job but a real job for the summer. Here is the scenario and try to pass it off as anything but miraculous. My mom is a teacher and the father of one of the students in her class in an archaeologist looking for 4 archaeologists for a summer position paying a minimum of more money than I have ever had on a job. He gave her his card to pass along to me. We'll see how it goes.
5. My family. This semester has been absolutely insane for me. I really think that I am half crazy and any other group of people would have put me out of my misery like a horse that had shattered their leg but instead they have been there for me, let me crash on their couch and allowed me to raid their fridge since I can't afford to feed myself. They are my miracle.
Miracles to be
There are several things that have to happen before I can breath again. One, i have to somehow miraculously finish my paper today. I don't have enough money to pay my bills because of constant illness this semester. I can't, in good conscience, except this amazing job without selling my impossible to sell apartment contract. While I am dating a few people right now for some strange reason someone I'm not dating has complete control of my heart and he has absolutely no idea. I don't have any idea what to do in that situation. Actually I don't know what to do in any of these situations.
I wonder if it is bad to worry if things will actually work out...I guess faith is not necessarily an expectation of a miracle but the belief that God doesn't wish us to fail. I guess that is what I am trying to learn. It's hard to relinquish all control and have complete trust in something that I cannot see. I'm trying though. :) I definitely have the desire and Alma said that that is the start.
So the biggest miracle? God is there, He hears me and He will never abandon me. This will all work out in the end.

I always found it telling that humility and humiliation both come from the root word...humble. In that spirit here are 5 thoughts to ponder today.

So I am sitting in the library working on one of my 3 research papers and I am finding it increasingly harder to concentrate on the task at hand. I have so much to do this week! At work today I had these little 1x1 cards that I was writing a schedule on for the next few days, hour by hour and my friends, it is not looking to promising. The fact that the hour by hour schedule was not detailed enough to get everything done and I had to start going in 15 and 30 minute sections is not to promising in regards to my sanity or amount of sleep. I thought that maybe if I wrote down the jumble of thoughts in my head from top to bottom then they would leave me alone for a few hours in order for me to finish my homework. So here goes.

5. This weekend I went to LA and got to see a bunch of exhibits at 3 separate museums. It was phenomenal and so overwhelming. Some pieces seriously brought me to tears and while I was looking at the Egyptian exhibit I thought to myself, Aliswan, what the heck are you getting yourself into? What on Earth made you think that you could possibly do this?

4. This thought is more of a precursor to the last. Last week I took the hardest exam that I have ever taken in my university career. I was not feeling well but after 7 hours in the testing center the muscles in my body began to spasm and eventually I realized that for the first time in my life, I would be unable to finish my exam...literally. Physically, emotionally and mentally I was completely fried. My penmanship looked like it was from a third-grader. I was trying to transfer my roughdraft over to my bluebook and I could no longer continue. Talk about a humiliating experience. I was barely able to walk out of the testing center and had to have my mom come pick me up outside, and then I proceeded to bawl my eyes out and feel completely worthless.

3. 4 days after the previous experience I got my test back. I had received 103%. I was absolutely stunned. During the test when I was identifying objects I had the impression to write down all of the artifacts that coincided timewise, culturally and artistically with the artifact that I was identifying. I thought that I needed to do this to create a more solid essay. Next, when I was about to start my essay I felt very strongly impressed to write down a detailed pharaonic and artifactual timeline as well as the Heliopolis creation theory with a chart of the gods involved. Was this all time consuming? You bet, but because I followed the Spirit all of the background that I was writing for my unfinished essay gave me more extra credit vocabulary points then anyone has ever gotten on that test...ever. It was the most humbling experience of my life as of yet.

2. These experiences that I've had as of late have really awakened me to how amazing God is and how worthless I am. I know that God would never have me feel worthless but that is how I have felt recently. I have been so overwhelmed by the blessings that He has given me that I feel completely unworthy but unfortunately to a detrimental degree. I feel as though I have nothing to contribute and at some point God is going to throw me aside for another tool that is smarter than I am, braver than I am and does not struggle so much with doubt and depression.

Then this morning I was reading in the Pearl of Great Price in the book of Moses. Here are the verses that touched me and made me realize that the above statement was wrong.
9 And the ^apresence of God withdrew from Moses, that his ^bglory was not upon Moses;and Moses was left unto himself. And as he was left unto himself, he ^cfell unto the earth.

10 And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural ^astrength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that ^bman is ^cnothing, which thing I never had supposed.

11 But now mine own eyes have ^abeheld God; but not my ^bnatural, but my ^cspiritual eyes, for my ^dnatural eyes could not have ^ebeheld; for I should have ^fwithered and ^gdied in his presence; but his ^hglory was upon me; and I beheld his ⁱface, for I was ^jtransfigured before him.

Also these verses by two of the most revered of prophets gave me great comfort.
Ex. 4: 10
10 ¶ And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of ^aspeech, and of a ^bslow tongue.
Moses 6: 31
31 And when Enoch had heard these words, he ^abowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: ^bWhy is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people ^chate me; for I am ^dslow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

1. Basically the number one thing that I am trying to understand and believe is that God does have a purpose for me. He loves me more than anyone ever could and unlike others, He will never abandon me, especially when I need him the most. Because He loves me He wants me to grow and gives me the experiences that I have to initiate that growth in the best and most efficient way possible. His work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man and my part in that is what He is consistently preparing me for. I feel very much like Enoch and Moses but with God I too can do great things.

So basically those are the top 5 thoughts that have been overwhelming my mind for the past while. To be perfectly honest it does feel wonderful to get them out and I feel this wonderful sense of peace as my understanding of my current situation begins to develop and deepen.

The Floating Leaf

As I was walking to class today I was so happy to see the beautiful leaves falling from the trees. Then I noticed that one small, yellow leaf was suspended midair and was just spinning in the breeze. The piece of random web that this leaf had gotten stuck on was invisible but from a certain angle and so this leaf seemed to be stuck midair trying to follow the laws of gravity but unable to do so. That's kind of how I have felt lately and because of that I realize that there are some things that I need to change. I have been so serious and so driven that I have not taken the time to find any joy in my life right now. I'm not happy and it's my own fault. So I've decided to change some things and do away with others...at least for a little while. :) I've decided that I need to not be so serious and so stressed out. I think when I walked into my midterm and forgot everything because I was so stressed is a sign that I need to chill out a bit. By chilling out I mean that I'm going to take any unnecessary stressors from my life for a little while. I'm going to try to stop eating food that I'm allergic to and make me feel like crap, like chocolate, wheat and milk. I'm not going to date for a little while. I've been to stressed about this and it is absolutely ridiculous to be honest. I just need to have fun for a little while with nothing serious in any shape or form. I also am going to try to not do homework after 5pm unless absolutely necessary. I'm also going to make time to exercise more because it makes me feel good. Making time for this is the problem that I'm going to fix. I need to start going to the temple again at least every other week. The most important though is that I need to stop being so serious and negative by learning more about why God loves me and why that should entice me to accept and love myself. Does this all seem pretty overwhelming? Yes but I need to make some changes and this will help. So there you go.

Video of Jon scaring a duck and then Jen scaring Jon.

Good Night Nurse it's been awhile.

There has been so many things going on since I last wrote that I don't know what to write! As much sense as that doesn't make here is a small list of things that have happened. Good grief.
1. Jon got his mission call to Peru....and has now been in Peru for about a month.
- Dropping Jon off at the MTC was the neatest thing and made me realize how important his mission is. I am so incredibly proud of him. Before he left we went on our last brother/sister date and it was super fun. Here are a few of the pics of that and him at the MTC. Oh and the picture of him flexing his muscles in the wetsuit needs some explanation. We went swimming for the last time in 2 years and he forgot his suit. Luckily :) I had my wetsuit in the back of my car. So that is what he wore...the end. Basically it was the funniest thing of all time.

2. My family moved about 11 blocks away from my apartment. While at first this was pretty tough to swallow the fact that my grocery bill for last month was $14.54 was pretty nice. I think this situation has the makings of a good deal.
3. I finished my Independent Study courses so my credit load for this semester went from 20 to 17. I find that after having the load of 20 credits for the first few weeks of school 17 is quite nice.
4. This one is important. I am really debating whether or not I should change the emphasis for my masters to Egyptian archaeology as opposed to Mayan archaeology. I have been debating that for quite sometime now. I like digging in the sand as opposed to the mosquito rainforest and my professor doesn't put me to sleep. I think I need to go on a dig in Guatemala to be sure but that is how it is looking for the moment...we shall see.
5. Today I am sicker than a dog...that has to make a list because I usually get sick from utter exhaustion and lack of sleep but today it is due to a head cold that I picked up at work. Basically at the moment I hate my life. At least the part of it where my head is full of cotton and snot and the pressure makes it hard to function. That is all.
So basically there is a list of 5 things that have happened since I last wrote. There have been so many more but without time to write I seem to have forgotten them. Oh well. :)

Courage is...

I was not feeling well today so I didn't go to work but I had the opportunity to work a crazy amount on my Independent Study course. I've been a little frustrated lately feeling like I am just sitting around waiting for something to happen. It's one of those overwhelming feelings that you get that something is about to happen. Yeah I'm getting that in a big way, I'm not going to lie. So I was reading for my class and read in Doctrine and Covenants 5:34 and I really felt like it was an answer to the questions that have been floating around in my brain.

"Yea, for this cause I have said: Stop, and stand still until I command thee, and I will provide means whereby thou mayest accomplish the thing which I have commanded thee."

That gave me such comfort because I realized that I feel this way for a reason but like everything in life there is a purpose behind it. I also read one of my favorite scriptures in section 6:36

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

What else is there to say. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father who loves me even with my shortcomings. He is with me every moment and I need to have faith that He is taking care of me because He is. I am so grateful.

Video of the boys jumping posts

Yay for answered prayers

So ever since I got back from Jordan I have been praying for rain. I have missed it so terribly. One of my favorite things in the whole world is rainstorms with wind and lightning and thunder and rain that soaks you clean through. I love the sound of lightning above the cloud cover and the overwhelming boom of the thunder. I love the way the wind holds you and threatens to carry you away. I love the sounds, smells and danger of a really good rainstorm. I have been praying, wishing and hoping for rain since I got home and I finally got a little bit of my wish. It is absolutely beautiful outside. There is great clouds with wind and there was some great lightning outside and great thunder.

Little Bug's birthday was yesterday and she wanted to go to a park that we always play frisbee at and then went to the Joseph Smith movie on Temple Square. It was really fun and here are some pictures of the temple and us hanging out!

It was such a wonderful day!

good grief

Well things have been pretty insane lately. I finally got a job working at BYU laundry. I'm also attempting to get my Independent Study courses done. It seems that I will never finish. Eveytime I have time to work on it I am either to tired or something unavoidable comes up. Family stuff seems to not only be the major priority but the force that is overtaking my life. It won't be so overwhelming for to much longer though.

wow...there's nothing else to say

So today my mom had a job interview at the seemingly perfect elementary school. It would be pretty close to the house they are trying to get, Jennifer would go to the middle school right next to the school and Stephanie and Andrew would be right down the street at Timpview. Miracle for the day...she got the job. They were so impressed with her. Also it looks like, if nothing catastrophic happens then they are definitely going to get the house. I am so amazed by all of this. It seems that God is truly creating the way. I am so grateful!!!

aching and baking

So I have had quite a bit of down time since I have been back to Provo. I am still job searching and trying to get over jet lag and stress of coming back and trying to figure out why I needed to be in Provo so badly. I guess I'll figure it out eventually...hopefully it doesn't take until my deathbed.
I printed off some pictures from Jordan and placed them on the walls in my room. I still can not get over how beautiful everything was. If I wasn't in some of those pictures I don't know if I could believe that I ever did something so amazing. It really changed my perspective and has really made me ache for traveling. I keep planning my next adventure in my mind. We'll see if that pans out someday, hopefully really soon.
Despite aching for my archaeology and digging I am doing pretty good with life here in Provo. I cooked this awesome dinner tonight and that was super great. I definitely did not eat this good in Um Sayhoun :) There are pros and cons no matter where you are. Good to remember, acknowledge and be grateful for the pros though.

I love the grass!!!

Well I am finally back home from Jordan. I was absolutely amazed how good it felt when we got back. I knew that I missed America but goodness gracious. I was also very happy to see grass again. Grass was definitely in short supply in my location in the good country of Jordan. Grass is nice, so are really green trees...yeah I like those as well. I'm still trying to get over jet lag. It's been pretty hard to say the least. I figured that I had been awake for about 52 hours. It was not the funnest of experiences and I finally ended up collapsing in sheer exhaustion at about 7pm last night. I was grateful to finally be asleep. It had been a long few days trying to get home but I am home now and all is super great!

News from the roof of Um Sayhoun!

Jordan is amazing!!!  I haven't been able to post because of the craziness that life is at the moment but now is the time, the time is now and life is absolutely amazing!  I've been through the Siq, seen the Grand Treasury from Indiana Jones, been to the Monestary which is so much grander than the Grand Treasury for anyone traveling across the world any time soon and I have seen a lot of Wadi Mataha and the dead that she holds.  I have been digging like a crazy woman and have never been more dirty or happy in my entire life.  Today I was digging in a loculi trying to find some human remains.  So as I was digging in this wonderful place I was randomly attacked by a femur. A human femur by the way...in case you were wondering.  Yes it scared the crap out of me but was absolutely hilarious.  I had been troweling very careful and my trowel scraped across the end of the femur and so it popped out of the dirt and nearly hit me in the face.  It was pretty much amazing.  Anyway I have to jet so that I can go watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  It has new meaning here and I am super stoked to watch it.  I'll update soon....maybe, this isn't really my computer. :)  Oh and I will include more pics of amazingness!

broke and bummed

I really don't know what to write today I am a little overwhelmed with everything that is going on right now. I am leaving for Jordan in about 6 days. My professor is actually already over there. So for the very first time in my life I am going out of the country and I am going all by my lonesome. At least for part of the journey. I feel so inadequate compared to the people I am going with that have traveled all over the world, speaking different languages and having hundreds of experiences that I am having for the first time. I'm a little overwhelmed by the entire thing.
Speaking of traveling to exotic places and doing amazing things my little brother Jon finally got his mission call to LIMA, PERU! He is going to be leaving on August 27th. I am so incredibly excited. I was terrified that he would leave while I was at Jordan but luckily that is not the case.
So I am pretty excited about this summer and I am not quite sure why. It is the first summer that I am not moving home so I will be chilling in Provo, working and hanging out with whoever else is staying. Also my family is finally making an offer on this amazing house but I refuse to go inside unless something is for sure. I just can't handle the constant rollercoaster that follows any decision my parents make. So once it is for sure I'll visit.
It's really funny what life throws at you. When I was getting ready to graduate from high school I wanted so much to be away from my family where I could do my own thing and not have the pressures of visiting and being involved in the drama. Then I went to BYU and my aunt was here. That was ok because I loved hanging out with her. Then my grandparents who have ignored me most of my life felt threatened by my relationship with my aunt and suddenly were inviting me over every sunday for dinner. Then my other grandparents moved into the area and now my family is moving up the street from where I live. I'm not saying that any of this is a bad thing it's just funny how what you thought you wanted or wanted to escape from changes throughout time.

...and so is life.

Wow I really don't know how to describe how I am feeling right now. I am crazy all over the place. I leave for Jordan in 12 days 2 hours and 14 minutes. I am so excited and happy I can hardly contain myself. But after Jordan what is going to happen? I don't think I mentioned this but I decided not to go to Guatemala this summer. It broke my heart but I really felt that I needed to stay home this summer. Well not even home home, but in Provo. The terrifying thing is that when I come back I will have no job and have bills and a lot of other stuff to take care of. Life is scary when you feel blind but I know that it was the right decision, even though it broke my heart. But I know that it is the right thing to do so I know that I will be ok.
Well I have to go shower because it is not smelling so good where I am sitting right now. I smell like chlorine and morning breath. Ew. :) Also I have my first final today and a pizza party tonight. My grandpa makes the best pizza in the world so I am super excited!!!

2 days and counting...

There are officially two days left of school. Am I excited? Yes, yes I am. Even though winter semester is the hardest for me, the end of it is my favorite. One, because I love crunch time...I am a pressure junkie. It reminds me of that song by Three Days Grace. "...I hate everything about you, why do I love you!" Yep that is how I feel about the final days of the semester, such a crazy exhausted adrenaline rush.
So this week was pretty intense. There were several reasons for it but the funniest is as follows. Once upon a time there was a girl that went to Park City with her Auntie, Unkie and baby to do some fun shopping and have a glorious day off. Was it glorious? Yes, the weather was amazing and there was nearly no one there which was nice. Very relaxing and a great break. Upon arriving home I went to put my few but sweet purchases away and to my dismay I discovered that there was something horribly wrong with a pair of hiking shoes that I had purchased to use in and after Jordan. They were beautiful hiking shoes, I loved them but neglected to check upon purchasing them whether there was a shoe for the right foot and the left foot...I think you know where I am going with this. So I have two right shoes. Yes it is true. I was pretty bummed but found consolation in the fact that the store had two left shoes. My revenge is somewhat complete until Thursday when I can swap one of my right shoes for a left one. :) After the exchange I do believe I will live happily ever after. The end.
My best friend from high school came and stayed with me Friday night. It was kind of a last hurrah before the semester ends. It was the funnest time I have had in a while. We laughed like we were little kids and woke up with severe abdominal cramps from the soreness of our muscles. I do believe I actually lost weight from laughing. Happiness is bliss. Here are some pictures that we took. We were under a blanket tent on my bed taking pictures of different stuff such as eating, barfing, checking out a cute boy, and just smiling. There were dozens more of these but these are my favorites. Don't worry there were no illegal substances involved...but maybe silliness should be illegal. :)

A Little Less Conversation

So as of today I am having a teeny bit of an Elvis kick. Who wouldn't is all I can say. :)

Bug is finally out of the hospital and now everyone is just trying to keep her entertained a little bit so she can get well. I love the bug but boy she gets bored super fast. I think it runs in the family. We just are way to active for our own good. Speaking of active I went swimming for the first time in months tonight. So when people say that going back to something is like riding a bike, it all comes back to you aren't really talking about swimming. I guess in a way it may seem like it. The smell of the chlorine and the way the water envelopes your body is relatively the same but I remember a time when I would swim and the water would fell like a cool breeze on my skin because I was just cruising through it. It wasn't exactly that way tonight, in fact it felt more like honey. Still it was marvelous. There was one new thing that I noticed though...my dance has made my swimming pretty insane. Why didn't I dance like this when I was swimming competitively? I would have killed everyone! When I was doing butterfly my back and hips felt like rubber and because I'm more flexible my body just went with the flow of the water. It felt awesome! Also my legs are crazy, crazy strong so my kicking was crazy insane fast. Poor guy I was swimming with couldn't keep up...although he tried pretty dang hard. :) Unfortunate that this doesn't only happen in the pool. :)
So what else is going on besides swimming? I went to the temple this morning and it was absolutely wonderful. I don't know if anyone besides me is crazy enough to picture this but the fountain in front of the provo temple kinda looks like the temple. I took a picture to emphasize my point. I noticed that today as I was sitting there thinking about life in general and how blessed we are to be here now. It was an interesting day. I feel very conflicted right now, like my life is a transition period between to chapters in my life. I feel a pull from the part of me that wants to move forward to new adventures and yet another part of me that is struggling to leave what I have now. So is life. :)
I can't believe this semester is almost over!!! I am so excited to start the amazingness of this summer!!! I have a feeling this summer will be one to remember. :)

AAAHHH!!!

Well I think I have finally hit crazy mode. With the last week of class and trying to get ready for finals, getting ready for Jordan, still waiting to hear on Guatemala, having my sister in the hospital, registering for classes, being nearly broke with the world to pay for and not knowing what to do next. Well so is life. :) I figure you just keep breathing and it will all sort itself out.
This last weekend I was able to go home for general conference. It was so wonderful and such a historic event. It was so amazing to stand at the same time with millions of other people and sustain a new prophet. I loved it. During conference Stephanie and I decided to make the family dinner from some recipes that I got from work. It was the first time that I made a big family dinner. We made baked ziti and dutch apple tarts. It was sooo good!

Believe me, the pictures don't do it justice. Especially with ice cream on the apple tarts. Mm, mm good! Also Jon finally turned in his papers, so when I saw him this weekend it was for one of the last times before I leave for Jordan and he leaves for his mission. It really was a great weekend. I absolutely loved it!
So that is kind of what has been going on lately. Well at least a super quick summary of it. I can't believe I'm leaving in 20 days. It all feels so surreal at this point. I am leaving the country for the first time in my life doing the thing I love to do most! I know life could get better in some way but it is small. :)

Why do we water the snow?

This morning I was walking to school and the sprinklers were watering the snow. I laughed, I slipped on the ice it created and then kept walking to class.
Yesterday was pretty fun. My uncle Nate has this sweet camera that is amazing....I love it....there are not enough words to describe the sweetness....I am nearly speechless about the sweetness of this camera. I loved the was it felt in my hands and the clicking sound it made when I took the pictures and the fact that it was a camera and now I covet the sweet camera. So he let me play with it and so I thought I would post some of the pictures I took. The majority of them were of baby Tyler because he is so cute! Hope you enjoy because I sure did.

Spring Break Fun!!!

I don't have a spring break but Jennifer did so she came up for two days to hang out
go to class with me!!!
So these are our pictures of our two days together!!!

This is on our way to my first class,
we walked in the rain and saw some ducks.
This is Jen and I at Rock Canyon Park having a
picnic and watching some little kid soccer games.

This is Jen playing at the JFSB.

We are on top of the JFSB checking out the view.

It was an amazingly gorgeous day!!!

We went to the bookstore and got her a BYU soccer shirt
and then went to the museum to check out some sweet art before class.

Yay for happiness!

So yesterday I was really craving the candles. They are so marvelous and so I went and bought a candle holder and candles that smell heavenly to put in them. Now our apartment smells wonderful all the time.
So on Friday night I went to the late show of 27 dresses at the dollar theater. It was really fun and here is why...for starters it was 25 cents. That was pretty amazing, I felt like I was in the 50's or 60's and after the movie I could go to an ice cream parlor in my poodle skirt and get a fudge sundae for like a quarter. It was really cool. The next reason why it was pretty amazing is that the movie was so good! Not like it will my cinematic history or get an oscar or anything but it was just one of those fun, feel good (most of the time) movies. It was funny, cute, had a hot guy a happy ending and apparently all the ingredients for a good chick flick. You never know, I may go see it again.
My family is on spring break this week so I definitely intend on spending time with them....between my classes. Also this is my last week of work! Yay for no longer washing pots and touching other people's half eaten food. Life is good. :)

The Good Day

Hola! I have such a good feeling that today is going to be marvelous! I went to class early so I would have more time to do my homework and then....I found out that my first class today was canceled! So now instead of one hour I have three! Life is good. Also stake conference was this weekend, I got my temple recommend renewed, I ate the good stir-fry and had a brownie for breakfast.....so things are definitely looking up. :) I love the breakfast brownie, it is wonderful and if I burp I can still taste it. That is not as wonderful but definitely a good reminder. :)

wh-wh-what a day

I'm not quite sure what happened today but I'm pretty sure there have been things that have been much more pleasant. Due to my hardworking nature my working partner and I work to fast and finish earlier than anyone ever. Due to this I have a very acute lack of funds. Funds are needed, funds are necessary, funds I do not have. Also at work tday I realized that I only have 5 working days left, meaning that in two-and-a-half weeks my income of minimal funds will be non-exsistant. So I began frantically job searching today. Also school is reaching an all-time stress level not only in the classes that I am able to attend but also in that I have no money to finish my application to Jordan that is due before Monday, I still have not been able to get to my independent study courses due to my insane schedule. Also my car is out of commission apparantly till the end of the week. So all in all I have a migrane, an ulcer, I am about to be broke and unemployed, I cannot escape everything due to being stranded without transportation and I am seriously considering dropping out of schoool and joining the circus. I will be on display as the woman who spontaneously combusts and then returns to her human form. Kind of like old faithful in Yellowstone.

Super Swank Day

Today started out really rough but turned into a marvelous end to a pretty great weekend. On Saturday I went to a dance conference at the U of U and it was wonderful. It was terrifying for me to attend something that I felt was totally out of my league and go by myself but it turned out wonderful and it was a wonderful day.
After that I went home and spent some time with my family. After a rough morning today I discovered that my car smelled like a gas station when I turned it on. So my dad and I decided that it would be a very bad idea to drive it back to school....I think that was a very good decision. So my dad decided to take me back to school and drop some more fresh california oranges off.
I love spending time with my dad on campus. It has become a place where we can hang out together without the pain of the past to bother either of us. It becomes a neutral ground for me and it gives me a way to connect and relate to him that I never had before. I am very grateful for this blessing. Today we walked around parts of campus and compared all of the new changes with what he remembers. My favorite parts was looking at the view from the pavillion at the Gordon B. Hinckley Alumni Building, talking about childhood memories in each building and one of my favorites is when he took me to the place that the old football field was when BYU was incredibly young. We went to the area that used to be the top of the bleachers and looked at what was now the Richards Building. There is still rusted pieces of metal that connected to the cement foundation that made up the bleachers. If you know what you are looking for you can totally tell that they used to be bleachers. It was so amazing! I get shivers just thinking about it. It could just be the archaeologist in me going crazy with the joy of history!!!
I remeber my old high school. It was so old and there were so many memories and people there through history that you could feel it in the air. I think each person has an impact on not only the people around them but the very air and ground they touch. I say this because you can feel a certain thickness in the air of places with history. I love it!!!!

attitudes are contagious...mine might kill you

Many people claim to have been at the right place at the right time. What about me who feel like I am in no place and no time. I feel as though I am bobbing up and down in an endless ocean with nothing in sight. Each bob brings me to the surface for some breath of air, some glimse at the sun and a possibility of hope and yet I am so tired that each time I go underwater it is harder and takes me twice as long to come up. I am slowly drowning and yet no one sees me. Sound depressing, far-fetched and somewhat ridiculous? Welcome to my life at present.
In happier news....the sun is finally out and the sky is somewhat clear. This winter has been insane and I am so glad that spring is finally hitting. This is a very good thing.
And if you are wondering if I slept last night--no I did not. :)

Goodnight, sleep tight, if you see any bed bugs, run for your life!

For the past 3 weeks I hve been having serious issues sleeping past midnight. I wake up constantly and cannot usually get back to sleep so I have compiled a list of 10 things to do when you are up in the middle of the night but to exhausted to get out of bed.

1. practice popping your jaw and relieving the pressure in your ears.
2. rearrange your pillows a billion and a half times in a failed attempt to reach the optimal level of comfort.
3. stretch the back of your legs by having a strait leg and grabbing, one leg at a time, your ankle and pulling it up near your face.
4. go over the mental list that you made during the day of all the people that had sweet falls on the way to school and laugh into your pillow so as not to wake your roommate.
5. recite the pledge of allegience
6. keep checking your clock every time you feel that it is five minutes later only to find not even one minute has passed.
7. braid your hair
8. make spit bubbles in your mouth
9. start singing 99 bottles of rootbeer on the wall
10. hit the snooze button when your alarmclock finally goes off.

This is my list of things to keep me entertained every morning (for the past three weeks) from the hours of midnight to six am. Please ladies and gentlemen don't try these things at home. Goodnight, sleeptight, don't let the bedbugs bite and dream a dragons dream. (I know that is supposed to be comforting in some sick way but does it freak anyone else out?)

Early in the friggin' morning

Well it is only 7am but I have been up on and off all night and up since 4am. It feels like forever though so I am starting to think that the hours in the early morning are twice as long. At least from midnight to six. I guess that would mean that there are really twelve extra hours everyday that I know about that everyone else is without. Maybe I should do my homework and get a million more things done..........ha yeah right.

Yesterday while I was walking to class I saw a bunch of ducks on the path in front of me. Why is it that ducks here don't migrate? I realized that I had my camera with me and decided to take some pictures of the freaks of nature. It was nice they are quite pretty. I really like walking this path to class because it is really beautiful and pointless observations like the migratory patterns of ducks and those of exhausted students amuse me. Also it is a rather excluded walkway so if I accidently start singing aloud to my ipod know one looks at me funny, well other than the ducks, so I guess we are both relatively freaks of nature.

One day I found some keys in the snow on my path............I really wish I would have known the car they went to then I wouldn't had to have turned them in to the lost and found. (sigh) :)