I'm just a little bit caught in the middle...

...life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried

and I don't know why.  

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared but I don't show it

I can't figure it out

It's bringing me down I know

I've got to let it go

and just enjoy the show.

This is a piece of my new favorite song by Lenka.  It was stuck in my head for...hmmm....the last 8 weeks.  While in Syria I was blessed to have the "Scott soundtrack".  My good digging buddy Scott had a song for every statement and situation.  We called it the "Scott soundtrack".  He kept singing this song, so I blame him for getting it stuck in my head for 2 months.  That's ok, I found that as I learned the lyrics, they kind of epitomized my feeling about life right now.

I got to do a lot of soul searching in Syria.  

I mean really, when you are digging in a hole for 6 hours a day with only yourself, you can't ignore the nagging in your mind.  Things that I have been mentally avoiding for the last...I don't know...were brought to the forefront.

Don't worry, I won't bore you with my self discoveries. :)

Suffice it to say that this song describes my state of being right now.  I have been very blessed, my life is taking off in this amazing way, and I am unbelievably happy.

Still, there are those lurking pieces of me that have been somewhat pushed to the side in my efforts to do what I feel I am meant (or supposed) to do right now.

I often feel guilty that in a time where I am so blessed, I think about how nice it would be if other aspects of my life were developing as rapidly.
It's a strange balance we are meant to live in.
A balance between what is necessary at the time, what we need to do to prepare for the future, and learning patience regarding those eventualities.

That song describes me right now.  

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle. 

 Life is a maze I'm winding through, clinging to the faith that the inspiration I have received regarding purpose and timing is accurate.  

Love is a riddle that I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to solve.  I'm relying so much on my Heavenly Father because I don't know where to go, and I truly can't do it alone.  When I try...it doesn't go so well. :)  I'm so intimidated by the path my life is taking.  

Everyone seems to think I'm so sure and confident in what I'm doing but it's not true.  

I'm afraid, terrified, and trying to compensate by micro-controlling the things I can.  

Like the organization of my kitchen.  

So basically what have I learned?  

I have to let the things go that I can't control and just trust and have a little faith that it will all work out at the right time.

So there you go.  

Just enjoy the show. :)

♥