Thoughts on my life today.

I have decided that dreaming and having your dreams come true are very different.  I am not talking about a fairytale, movie script, or novel.  They don't really tell you about dreams.  They only focus on getting to the beginning.  Happily ever after starts when the dream is realized.  It makes sense, in a strange fairytale kind of way.  There are many trials to reach your dreams, and these are the stories many focus on.  In reality the story would probably never end if they also focused on the fulfillment of those dreams.  

What do I mean?

When you dream there are endless possibilities with no actual pressure.  You can imagine yourself at your best with no doubts.  You see a picture in your mind and it is surmountable because it is 2-dimensional.  You can see the entire picture.  There is a beginning and an end.  In dreams you feel only excitement and motivation.

Then suddenly your dreams come true, the doubts come in and it would seem that the beautiful picture you had in your mind is now real.  Maybe your picture was of Mount Everest.  Now that your dream is actually before you, you realize that you cannot actually see the entire mountain.  It is to big.  All you see is what is in front of your face; ravines, snow and ice covered inclines, blizzards, deadly avalanches.  It also feels different.  There is the blinding brightness reflecting off of miles of snow, you cannot breathe because the air is so thin, your extremities slowly freeze, and extreme pain from pushing your body to a place you never meant it to go is in every movement, every thought.  

To live your dream is to take the risk that your dream may be the force that will ultimately break you.

To live your dream is to take the greatest risk of your life.

To live your dream is to move past the fairytale and into the unending reality that we are made of our dreams...because they have no real end, no real beginning.  They are a cycle resulting from our successes, failures, and the progression of time and courage.

So, when you have climbed your Mount Everest, what is the result?

When you get to the pinnacle, before you is a much grander sight than any imagination or picture could capture.  

You are at a new point, as a new person, seeing with new eyes.

You see that the original picture was a vastly inadequate representation of the majesty before you.  The fulfillment of your dream has superseded any "grand imaginings" you may have previously entertained.  They are no longer enough.  With each fulfillment you change, and understand your ability to reach higher, risk bigger, and be better. 

The monumental struggle of dreams changes the person, and the result of each endeavor, pass or fail, always exceeds the dream.

The result of this continuous cycle?

A new person, with new dreams, and the courage to face the next picture.

Weak Sauce--The Sweet Ninja Skills

Did you know that I have super speedy Ninja skills?

It's true, they are so good that I often react before I think,

and grab the hot curling iron as it flips off the bathroom counter.

No worries,

it only blistered a little bit.

Busy week for the swan.

Well I guess technically the busy week was last week.

I think...

Sometimes I look back and can't remember what the crap happened.

Oh, the padre turned 48.

That was one thing.

I made baked ziti.

I would have taken a picture, but it was literally gone before I could get my camera.

I love my baked ziti recipe.

I also put together a chair for his birthday.

Yeah, it was a busy evening.

Hmmm....what else happened?

Oh yeah, I PICKED UP MY E-TICKET!!!

so that's kind of exciting.

Otis wanted me to take a picture.

Yes, that is my super excited face.

I can't tell you how excited I am.

Oh, I AM ALSO GRADUATING FROM UNIVERSITY!!!

I hear that can often be a big deal.

It is to me.

Here is proof...it is a graduation announcement.

Although I would probably not send out announcements.

But sometimes the parentals don't give you a choice.

So there you go.

This week I have another meeting for Syria.

It's really coming together.

Good times my friends, good, good times.

:)

Hanging with the Bug.

The bug had a ballroom competition this weekend.

Actually it was the National Amateur DanceSport Championships.

Pretty awesome eh?

We got to hang out together at the Museum after she finished her event and after I finished my last final.

Yes, I said it.

MY LAST FINAL!

We had lunch and then laid out on the grass until the padre found us.

So that was yesterday.

Today the cita and I got to watch her do the samba and rumba.

The cita was a bit surprised by a chick whose hips were a bit out of control.

We enjoyed having a section to ourselves...more foot room.

It was fun and she did really well at her first national competition.

I had fun doing her makeup.

It's fun to do dancer makeup on someone other than yourself.

A life without rear-view mirrors.

So Widgie enjoys army crawling around the floor.

There is a small problem though. 

She can only go backwards.

Which means she never knows where she may end up.

Like under the couch.

Stuck.

Life is so hard when you are 8 months old.

Once Upon a Time--Aliswan blog construction.

So, I'm doing some blogger construction.  

Last year I had another blog that I created, just to see if I liked it better.  

Alas, it failed the test, I love this blog.  

I had only one post on it though, and not wanting to lose it, I posted it here. 

It is from 3 April 2009.  

So there you go.  Goodbye other blog!

The Metaphor that is my research paper

The screensaver on my computer has a quote that scrolls across the screen after a while and seeing it today really got me thinking. I have no idea who said it, in fact I think I combined two different ones but this is what it says: 'The sacrifices we make for the ones we love define us.  We do not loose the defining moments in our lives, they just shuffle around a little bit.'  I have a very specific process when I am writing papers.  I do the research and organize the most important and necessary information into categories.  Then I construct a detailed outline but I try to create the outline in such a fashion that each section of my paper can be moved around.  Then I start writing the paper and sometimes as I go it will develop into something that I wasn't expecting so I have to add or change a few things but somehow I am able to continue with the 'detailed/loose' outline that I created.  In the end I usually have a really fantastic paper and a solid A+.
When I saw that screensaver flit across my screen I thought about how maybe my life is that way.  The research and necessary, disjointed facts that I accumulate in order to be able to construct a good paper are similar to the seemingly random experiences that God gives me through life that I use to draw from in throughout my Earthly experience.  There is definitely an outline, detailed and yet loose that my life is following, these are the defining moments of my mission here on Earth.  Sometimes, I've discovered, these moments get moved around a bit because of choices, good or bad, that I or others have made.  I guess when I saw that quote scroll across my screen I realized that I haven't lost any of those moments, not really, they have just, like my papers moved around a bit in order to create a more adaptable and in the end, a much better product. 
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am beginning to better understand the guidance and inspiration that I have been given and that if I am doing my best to do what my Father in Heaven has asked me to do I will not lose those defining moments, they will just shuffle around a little bit so that in the end, I have reached my greatest potential.  What a comfort that is. :)

A Post full of awesomeness.

I took my lunch to school in a brown paper sack.

mainly because I'm awesome.

Also because sometimes lunch tastes better in a brown paper sack.

Last Thursday I took my last midterm.

It was beautiful outside, I walked home basking in the wonderfulness that is spring.

...or so I thought

Soon after I got home, it started to rain,

and hail

and by the next morning it looked like this:

Welcome to Provo, where we can't tell if it is the beginning of spring or the depths of winter.

Oh, by the way,

 I reserved my plane tickets for Syria today.

That basically rocked my world.

Especially when I found out I would also be going to France

and Jordan...

and Turkey.

I've always wanted to go to Turkey.

I'm not sure what's there but it just sounds delicious.

♥

Tender Mercies--Miracles

I have a cousin who very recently was sent to Chile on his mission and a brother in Peru.  The 8.8 earthquake in Chile and consequent tsunamis, had my entire family worried about their safety.  The cita sent me this letter from the mission president in Chile and I was both amazed and grateful.
CLICK HERE for the link to the story from the Meridian Magazine that I have copied below.


Editor’s Note: President Larry Laycock and his wife, Sister Lisa Laycock head the Santiago Chile East Mission and had spent the two weeks prior to the 8.8 earthquake visiting each missionary apartment and preparing them for an earthquake. They brought specific instructions on what to do, supplied water purification bottles for the missionaries, told them how to create a 36-hour kit for emergencies and how to stay in communication should an earthquake strike. They prayed with each missionary and dedicated their apartments. Why?  Because of a special experience that alerted them to what was coming. They told their missionaries, “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.”
They have 171 full-time proselyting missionaries in this mission.
Special thanks to the Laycocks for allowing Meridian to publish this letter that Sister Laycock sent to her family shortly after the earthquake sharing their remarkable experience of kindness from the Lord.  They are in Chile with their son, Landon.
The picture of the missionaries on the cover and in this article were taken at a March 1st gathering.  These are post-earthquake smiling faces.


Dear Everyone,
I am writing to let you all know how very grateful we are for your prayers, concern, and love. Please keep praying! We need the Lord's help and guidance in order to do all He would have us do to learn what He would have us learn from this earth quake tragedy, and to minister in the way He would have us minister.
During the past few days, we have witnessed many events which serve to remind us that the Lord is in charge and that as missionaries and members of His church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are performing His work, and as President Monson teaches, "When we are on the Lord's errand, we are entitled to His help." I want to share with you a few miracles that will help you to understand our profound feelings of gratitude.
When we were set apart for this calling, Elder Scott of the Council of the Twelve Apostles taught us many important lessons. He spoke from personal experience when he was a mission president in Argentina. One message that he shared with us is this: "At times, during your mission, you will be awakened in the middle of the night or the early morning hours with thoughts of specific things you should do for certain missionaries. Do not ignore these thoughts. They are promptings from the Holy Ghost who will communicate with you in the stillness of the night or the peace of the early morning hours. He will speak to you then because that is when you are still enough to hear."
Elder Scott further instructed us to keep a notebook beside our bed so that we could record these precious promptings. He said that by the next morning, we would be likely to forget the promptings if we didn't write them down.
We have been astonished at the fulfillment of Elder Scott's prophetic words. We have received many promptings in the exact manner that Elder Scott described. We are so thankful that Elder Scott taught us how to recognize and act upon these precious promptings. Had he not taught us, we may not have given these promptings the attention they require.
Nearly two-and-one-half weeks ago, I was awakened at around 4:00 AM by just such a prompting. I did not hear a voice, but the thought was as clear as if it had been in the form of spoken words: "There is going to be an earthquake. Prepare your missionaries." I sat up in bed and immediately remembered Elder Scott's counsel. That morning I told Larry what had happened. He immediately set to work organizing our missionaries to prepare for an earthquake.
In talking with our office missionaries to arrange for them to put together a list of everything we would need to prepare...in both Spanish and English...we discovered that the Lord had also let two of our office missionaries know of the possibility of an earthquake (in the form of dreams) and the need to prepare our mission.

We set a goal and arranged our schedule so that we could visit every apartment in the mission to check for safety and to review with our missionaries what to do in case of an earth quake. What a wonderful experience we have had as we have met with them and shared scriptures with them about being spiritually and physically prepared. "...if ye are prepared, ye shall not fear" (D&C 38:30).
We instructed every missionary to have a "go-bag" (36 hour kit). We reviewed our emergency action plan with them of where to go and what to do if they had phone service and in case they did not. We gave everyone a paper with all instructions in English and Spanish, and we reminded them that "this life is the time to prepare to meet God" (Alma 34:32-34). We shared with them our thoughts and feelings about the need for spiritual and physical safety.
Some of them became frightened and asked us if we knew something they didn't know. We smiled and repeated "...if ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." We didn't want to unduly alarm them, but we did want to impress upon them the need to be prepared. We tearfully reminded them of our recent transfer conference where we had shared our feelings about our dear Elder McKay Burrows who was unexpectedly called home in January while serving his mission in Romania...how he was prepared in every way to meet God. We reissued our challenge to "be prepared" in every way. Then we knelt with them in their apartment and dedicated each apartment, asking for a blessing of safety and security to be upon every apartment.
When the earthquake came, we were prepared. We did not experience the panic that many felt. We knew we were prepared. Because of the words of the Lord's chosen Apostle, Elder Scott, we had listened and heeded the quiet, but clear promptings of the Holy Ghost. We were blessed with peace in the midst of chaos. We learned an important lesson: our preparation helped us to avoid panic and fear, but the Lord, in His wisdom, allowed us to experience enough discomfort to know that He has all power. He is in charge. We are nothing without Him. We are dependent upon Him for every breath we take. Only He can save us from death and destruction. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He is our perfect example. If we follow Him, we will be saved through obedience to the laws and ordinances of His Gospel.
As the earthquake became more violent, the mission home groaned and wailed. The power died, so the whole city was black. The windows made a hideous screeching sound, and flying objects banged against swaying walls. The printer/fax machine, books, book ends, and fifty-pound television burst from the entertainment center and crashed to the floor, cabinets emptied, drawers flew open, the refrigerator moved, water sloshed out of the toilets, the floor jolted up and down as we ran across it trying to hold onto the walls to keep from falling down, and the piano toppled over like a small toy. As we made our way to the back yard, I remember thinking, "God is all-powerful. He is our only refuge from this horrible mess." I prayed and prayed for Him to still the earth.
When we reached the back yard, we watched in terror. By the light of the moon we could see the swimming pool water form giant waves and crash out onto the rocks. House and car alarms screamed into the night...some from being crushed by falling debris and others, I guess, from the bizarre movement of the earth. I am not sure if the intense rumbling sounds came from the earth itself or from everything else that was shaking so violently. Finally, it stopped.
When the calm came, we had to sit down because our legs were weak and unstable. My legs stayed wobbly all day and night yesterday. Today the muscles in my legs hurt like I ran a marathon. The aftershocks have been extremely unsettling. Each one begins like the one last night started. We just close our eyes and wait to see if it escalates or dies down. .I have never experienced anything like this!
We were awakened this morning by a very strong after shock. Larry jumped out of bed and yelled, "Welcome to another glorious day in Chile!" We just had to laugh. We moved a mattress into the floor in our bedroom and made Landon sleep in our room. He was in his room with the door locked the night before and we couldn't wake him up. He never locks his door, but he was playing a joke on Larry because every morning Larry wakes him at 5:30 AM for seminary by tickling him unmercifully. So Landon had decided to stop him.
When we couldn't open his door, in the middle of the quake, we thought he was trapped, so we screamed and banged. Landon thought that everything was falling off the walls because we were banging so hard on the door. I think we scared him more than the earthquake did!
Today, we attended a strong ward where Larry was invited to speak. The entire chapel and beyond was filled. People were so humble and so teachable. Larry taught the importance of doing the small things. He taught about Jesus Christ and the opportunity we have to love one another and to share what we have with others.
It was a great blessing for us to be with these beautiful Chilean people. Some have lost their homes...or at least parts of their homes. But they are strong and they want to serve the Lord.  He taught of the scripture in Luke 21:11,13 which says, "and great earthquakes shall be in divers places...and it shall turn to you for a testimony." He also welcomed the sweet young woman who was in the congregation with the missionaries...her first time attending church...and then he invited her to be baptized from the pulpit. He asked her to please invite us to her baptism, and she said, "I will." The Lord always knows what His people need.
Landon was reading in Alma 15:17 today. He said, Mom listen to this. This is what is happening here in Chile just like in happened in Ammonihah. The people were humbled and "checked as to the pride of their hearts and began to humble themselves before God, watching and praying continually that they might be delivered from Satan, and from death, and from destruction."

Our hearts are filled to the brim with gratitude for all of the blessings we have received in the Chile Santiago East Mission. We see miracles every day. In the midst of great pain and suffering, we can always find our Savior. He stands with His arms open, pleading for all of us to humble ourselves and come unto Him. He loves us. He invites us to accept His gift...the atonement. He invites us to repent. He wants us to love one another and to serve one another. He wants us to bring our families and those we love to Him. We can do it. We can do all that He asks, no matter how difficult it may seem. "With God all things are possible"
We are having a devotional tomorrow for all of our missionaries to talk about the last week of Christ's life in preparation for Easter. We want to remind our missionaries to teach and preach with increased vigor of Christ. Last Monday in our office meeting, Larry suddenly stopped in the middle, and said, "During the prayer, I had a very strong impression that March 2010 is going to be our best baptizing month we have ever had in this mission."
Now we know why he received that feeling. We are going to prepare to bring many souls to the waters of baptism in March. Please continue to pray for us and for the people of Chile. Please pray for the missionaries to have strength and courage to do all that is being required of them, even in difficult times.
We are so thankful that the tsunami did not turn out badly in Hawaii. Who would ever think that an earthquake in Chile could threaten the shores of Hawaii? Thankfully, the Lord is in charge. He is the one to whom we must turn for refuge from every storm. He has the power to save us.
Editor’s Note:
The letter ends here, but President and Sister Laycock told us:
“We’ve never experienced anything like the earthquake.  We have had 90 aftershocks, some stronger than others.  Our legs are wobbly.  It is a scary feeling to experience an aftershock because it brings back all the feelings we had during the earthquake.
“We love being with our missionaries.  Because they were prepared, they were immediately able to turn their attention to helping others. They were never concerned about themselves.  They were concerned with those who need help and by mid-morning the day of the earthquake, we were able to dispatch them to help others.  We told them to investigate the needs of their neighbors and help in any way they could.
President Laycock noted, “The Spanish translation of Luke 21:13 says that there will be earthquakes in many places, and it will give you the occasion to bear testimony. We met with 10 sisters this morning, and one of them mentioned a neighbor next door whom they always asked if she would have time to speak with them, and she always said no.  Yet in the crescendo of the toll of the earthquake, she was speechless with fear and not prepared.  When the sisters said, ‘Could we pray with you?’, she answered, ‘I have time to pray with you.’  It opened the door to a teaching opportunity to share the gospel.
President and Sister Laycock said, “Everyone we talk to has been so willing to talk about Christ and God’s power.  We’ve been sharing God’s love with them.  We are seeing God’s love everywhere.  People are reaching out to one another.  They are serving one another.  The news reports looting.  We are seeing a different side.  We are seeing people who want to communicate with God, who are sincerely looking for the truth.”

I thought a great deal about this letter.  Sometimes it's hard to understand God's plan for us.  I thought of the missionary who passed away in Romania and was glad when they mentioned him in their letter.  Being prepared is more than just physical.  It is spiritual preparation as well.  I was floored when I went to Doctrine and Covenants 38.  This section tells the saints that Christ created all things, He is with us, and He is greater than all.  The section concludes with the admonition to go forth among all nations and prepare them for His coming.  After some verses where Christ recognizes the hardship that is to come, He gives verse 30.

 30 I tell you these things because of your prayers; wherefore, ^atreasure up ^bwisdom in your bosoms, lest the wickedness of men reveal these things unto you by their wickedness, in a manner which shall speak in your ears with a voice louder than that which shall shake the earth; but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear.

My brother and cousin are both safe because of their preparation, spiritually and physically, for their specific callings.

I am unbelievably humbled and grateful for the blessings that the Lord gives us and hope that I may continue to prepare for what I am asked to do in this life.  I truly believe God speaks to us, He is with me everyday, I hope I may always hear Him when He calls.

Okay, that was a little uncanny...

I'm coming down with a little cold and so after working on my class all morning I came home to bed with my laptop on my tummy because, hey, what feels better than a warm laptop on my tummy?

I took this color quiz I found on a DIY site that I love and it kind of crazy accurate.

So for fun, if you're sick in bed, try it out!

These were my results!

Best Occupational Category

You're a CREATOR

Keywords

Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category

You're an ORGANIZER

Keywords:

Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate

These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

Surviving 101...don't remember that course.

So I'm pretty bogged down by my independent study class.

This influences several things...

Here is a list:

No baking

No exercising

No sleeping all the way through the night

No clean laundry

Little bathing

No ability to for coherent words that don't have to do with statistical computations

No life in general.

Yeah, it's been pretty brutal.  I am plowing through a semester long class in a fraction of the time, there are consequences...apparently.

I'm tired...

and a tad bit cranky.

On a happy note here is a few things that happened last week that had nothing (actually that's not true) to do with my class.  I at least meant for them to have nothing to do with my class.

I took a shower...and did my hair...and makeup...and put on a silly face.  It's been so long.

After this I went to a meeting on campus to get ready for Syria.  Yay!

Next, I took a my 2nd midterm for my stats class...so it has to do with my class...

BUT

I walked home super fast in a snow storm.

So Otis, I didn't run a mile, but I walked it really, really fast. :)

and got really, really, really wet.

Then I got to do some service and clean my grandparents home with my familia.

Don't worry, this was a before picture, not an after picture.

Followed by a wonderful and glorious trip to IKEA.

Otis and I are going to be living together, I need some sweet ideas. :)

Stephie and I had a blast eating some really good food.

Yes that is grungy, non-showered, hanging in a cave doing homework all day me.

:)

Finally yesterday we celebrated my grandparents 52nd anniversary.  

They are amazing.

I love them.

I also love when we gave T-dog the ice cream scoop and a gallon of ice cream.

He REALLY enjoyed that.

His parents?

Not so much.

:)

So basically:

I'm surviving,

I have a lot to be thankful for,

and in 2 weeks,

God willing,

the dreaded Stats 221 class

will be over.

I also will hear back about my acceptance to grad school in the next 2-2.5 weeks.

but I'm REALLY trying not to think about it.

Adios!