4:20 am...

So my insomnia is back but it's not, but it is, but it isn't. I'm trying to take a few things off my plate to relieve the pressure but you get to a point where nothing else can actually be taken off. Welcome to that point. That is the point where a cramp wakes you up at 3 am and you are so wound up that there is no way on Earth that you can possibly get back to sleep. So, reaching that point this morning I decided since I'm not sleeping I might as well get cracking on that massive list I have to get done this week.
The last few months have been pretty rough for me. Not meaning to be all whiney but it's a fact of life, sometimes it stinks. For me the struggle has come with wanting to develop certain good aspects of my life but feeling impressed that it is not the right time and apparently my whole heart, soul, and sanity needs to be devoted to something else. In a society of instant gratification and 'quick-fixes' it is incredibly hard for me. There is this empty little piece of me that keeps waking me up in the middle of the night and messing with my REM cycle. :) One of my favorite scriptures is Mosiah 4:27. It says:
'And see that these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.'
So that is what I'm trying my darndest to focus on. Yep, yep. There you go.

...yeah, I've had better.

Don't you love those mornings when you wake up from a restful night of sleep with the sunrise peaking over the mountains and everything is somehow working out perfectly? Yeah, this morning was not one of those days. Instead I awoke this morning to goodness knows what, probably the same thing I have been waking up to for over a week now...nothing. Yes, my insomnia has returned, not at full force but we are definitely getting there. I would sleep past midnight if that were physically possible but apparently for me it is not. So after a restless nights sleep, finding my wet clothes from the washing machine on a chair, my clean clothes stuffed into a dirty hamper, no edible food in the kitchen, a sink full of smelly dishes and pseudo niceties from a very self-centered, manipulative, NOT nice person; I decided to turn on the television and watch a news station exploiting some poor person's misfortunes and I started to feel a little better and less victimized this morning. Don't worry, I am a picture of efficiency and got this all done by 6am.